This is an Australian social phobia video from '98. It has some useful information, pretty informed professionals and some good depictions of the condition from people suffering from it. Hope this helps, or relieves anyone else suffering a bit.
Sunday 27 April 2014
"Overcoming Social Phobia and Shyness"
This is an Australian social phobia video from '98. It has some useful information, pretty informed professionals and some good depictions of the condition from people suffering from it. Hope this helps, or relieves anyone else suffering a bit.
Cinema
I went out to the cinema with M.
As it got nearer to going the apprehension built, but I said nothing and challenged all my negative thoughts.
We left and, like clockwork, my body stiffened. Noises were too startling. Things were moving too fast around me. Cars sped by and seemed to take my insides with them. Everything was sending a shock through my body and making want to jump.
"This is all just panic. I'm a physically healthy human. Let it be, don't feed into it."
I concentrated on feeling the sensation of my footsteps and remembering the fun thing we'd left the house for. It was a warm night. I focused on appreciating this and congratulating myself for getting outside.
We walked through the docks, getting closer, and as we reached the cinema I felt a wave of terror washing over me. The building, lights, the layout hit me and I was drowning. I tried to remember Claire Weekes, Gillian Butler, David Barlows' calmly and compassionately worded instructions like I was fighting for my life, not going through a door.
"I can't get inside this building. I don't know why but I can't get in this building. I can't get in this building." Painfully conscious of every movement I made, I followed M, trying to get a handle on myself.
Everything inside was weird and unreal. People were suddenly so overwheming; employees' jokes to each other, money changing hands, the woman queuing in front of me's little dancey wiggle to the music, people smiling and singing and talking animatedly.
These might well have been Olympic Games level manoeuvres.
I was a statue, or incased in cement, unable to smile or speak or even move my head. I was nothing, my physical body was still there but nothing else was. I was in total awe of other people's actions. It was like having no arms and having everyone wave theirs around at me.
I was a human statue- so I needed to do everything to avoid any attention on me 'cause this wasn't normal.
If anyone acknowledged me or to tried to communicate the game would be up. The fear in my stomach was taunting me- any stimulus around me made it drop nauseatingly through my body, making me start and wanting to cry or scream out, but that would be the worst thing. My hands were dripping with sweat. The couple in front paid and left for the screens. We shuffled forward and I stood silently besides M at the till, praying no one would try and catch my attention.
M handed me a box of popcorn whilst he fiddled with the tickets, change, his drink and wallet.
I didn't even trust my hands. I somehow lifted them and took the food- but my limbs were alien. Not a part of me... and that dropping feeling, it ran like a shock through my body.
What if it happened when I was holding the food? Even if I could still hold onto it, I'd definitely jolt and look crazy...
I felt like I was sinking into the floor now, we're going to leave the queue in a second to go to our screen, what if my legs don't work???!!! What if my legs don't work what if my legs don't work what if they don't what if someone notices my craziness and laughs or says something to me?
I won't be able to look at them my voice won't work I'll say something that makes fuck all sense and humiliate myself. I need to get out of here I need to get out of here I need out...
Somehow I get my alien body to obey and I march out of the queue stiffly, avoiding all eye contact so I don't get the shock feeling. Next mission is to get to Screen one. Then I'll be out of here. The next challenge is there but this is over.
As it got nearer to going the apprehension built, but I said nothing and challenged all my negative thoughts.
We left and, like clockwork, my body stiffened. Noises were too startling. Things were moving too fast around me. Cars sped by and seemed to take my insides with them. Everything was sending a shock through my body and making want to jump.
"This is all just panic. I'm a physically healthy human. Let it be, don't feed into it."
I concentrated on feeling the sensation of my footsteps and remembering the fun thing we'd left the house for. It was a warm night. I focused on appreciating this and congratulating myself for getting outside.
We walked through the docks, getting closer, and as we reached the cinema I felt a wave of terror washing over me. The building, lights, the layout hit me and I was drowning. I tried to remember Claire Weekes, Gillian Butler, David Barlows' calmly and compassionately worded instructions like I was fighting for my life, not going through a door.
"I can't get inside this building. I don't know why but I can't get in this building. I can't get in this building." Painfully conscious of every movement I made, I followed M, trying to get a handle on myself.
Everything inside was weird and unreal. People were suddenly so overwheming; employees' jokes to each other, money changing hands, the woman queuing in front of me's little dancey wiggle to the music, people smiling and singing and talking animatedly.
These might well have been Olympic Games level manoeuvres.
I was a statue, or incased in cement, unable to smile or speak or even move my head. I was nothing, my physical body was still there but nothing else was. I was in total awe of other people's actions. It was like having no arms and having everyone wave theirs around at me.
I was a human statue- so I needed to do everything to avoid any attention on me 'cause this wasn't normal.
If anyone acknowledged me or to tried to communicate the game would be up. The fear in my stomach was taunting me- any stimulus around me made it drop nauseatingly through my body, making me start and wanting to cry or scream out, but that would be the worst thing. My hands were dripping with sweat. The couple in front paid and left for the screens. We shuffled forward and I stood silently besides M at the till, praying no one would try and catch my attention.
M handed me a box of popcorn whilst he fiddled with the tickets, change, his drink and wallet.
I didn't even trust my hands. I somehow lifted them and took the food- but my limbs were alien. Not a part of me... and that dropping feeling, it ran like a shock through my body.
What if it happened when I was holding the food? Even if I could still hold onto it, I'd definitely jolt and look crazy...
I felt like I was sinking into the floor now, we're going to leave the queue in a second to go to our screen, what if my legs don't work???!!! What if my legs don't work what if my legs don't work what if they don't what if someone notices my craziness and laughs or says something to me?
I won't be able to look at them my voice won't work I'll say something that makes fuck all sense and humiliate myself. I need to get out of here I need to get out of here I need out...
Somehow I get my alien body to obey and I march out of the queue stiffly, avoiding all eye contact so I don't get the shock feeling. Next mission is to get to Screen one. Then I'll be out of here. The next challenge is there but this is over.
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